Well it has been a long long time!!
Life seems to always get in the way of the important personal therapy of venting. using your thoughts and words and releasing them to the world is the most effective stress release for me and I'm finally ready to start again. Since it has been so Long lets start fresh and new

Hi I am Kayla!
I love to sing so much so that I am in a local rock band named ArbaChein. www.arbachein.com I also love my family, My husband, my little baby girl and I can not forget my two fur-babies.

Now that you know a little more about me, here comes the emotional story of my last year, the driving force for me to start writing in my blog once more.

Before We dive in know that I have a wonderful support system in my family and friends and I would never trade them in for anything! sometimes people you love just don't know how to release the strain and all they can do is love you through it.

September of 2014 We lost our first baby. I found that women just don't talk about it and I am such a vocal processor that I needed to find someone that had gone through a miss-carry to talk to. I ended up grasping for straws and talking to anyone that would listen, and everyone that I could. This is not the way to deal with such a personal pain! I should have talked to my husband and to a social worker, but my pride made me angry and resentful and the last people I wanted were the ones I needed. This began the spiral of our year.

I spent the next four months reeling in depression and drowning in my own pity, my only escape was to write and so that is what I spent most of my time doing. Fortunately this gave me a great couple songs that I still love to sing, I almost find them therapeutic. here is one we wrote called "One Day"

Shortly after loosing my little angel I lost my first love, Stacy. The man I had spent almost 10 years of my teenage years loving and caring for and running to. The worst part was we lost him to suicide, an evil that destroys even the best of people. I loved him, I think a part of me will always love him, he was the only man I can remember in my life wanting to rearrange my life for so he would fit, wanting to know he was there no matter what, wanting him in every way possible, even when we were both on separate paths in our lives we were drawn to each other and we broke the rules for each other. Not many people knew how much he meant to me and how much I cared for him, but I know he did. he was my future until I met my husband and I knew I had found the only other person who would make me feel this way, but without the consequences of tearing relationships apart and hurting others. In saying all of this my Husband is my soul mate and my true love and my best friend, Stacy was my first love my shoulder while I was growing up and my safe house when I needed him, and when he needed me. My husband is that for me now, and the moment I knew that I had to cut ties with Stacy in order to grow my love for my husband. The only regret I have is that I never reconnected with him after I had established my relationship with hubby, I will always wonder if something would be different if I had.
I felt so much pain during this time in my life and all I could write was sad, depressing sons, I needed a change. So I wrote a song called Machete dedicated to Stacy, the lyrics have me uplifting my soul and thinking there is hope.

"Sometimes in this journey, that we call life things will knock you out, oh. Come take my hand into the light, and we’ll make it out oh. It’s not the end."

In a difficult time I thought this would be end of our pain in the year, I was very very wrong and the unfortunate events continued.


New years eve was a ray of hope, a new calendar year to bring with it new lives and new beginnings, or so we all hope. I find it interesting that we all feel that the turning of a day will create a clean slate and blank canvas for a new year, that the past has been erased and we can hope for better times. its just a new day like every other and we should stop using it as a reset button, it only brings disappointment.
Shortly after this new year has begun, my dad was is a very bad life threatening car accident. he was driving on our new ring road, hydroplaned and flipped his truck 4 times. Looking at the vehicle after the accident made me feel blessed to still be able to kiss his cheek and hug him, he should have been dead. Seeing him in the hospital made me feel all kinds of things, mostly anger, my family has been through enough, its time for the bad to stop falling and the good to rain in. this is not life though and as much as I want the God I believe in to make everything better, that's not how it works. The doctors thought it was touch and go for a while and he spent the next week in the hospital. He did have a full recovery and is living a full life now, he is changed forever but he is alive.

He was alive He is alive!!

My baby girl and my husband were my saving grace through this even though we were struggling with being nice to each other, I lost myself in them to save myself. I needed love and they gave it.
we had a couple months break, that was nice.

Then the illusion of bliss faded when my marriage almost collapsed on itself. We forgot that it takes work and we forgot we needed each other and not everyone else. When your world is crashing around you, you need to focus on what is good and we failed to do that. It was a very scary time knowing the person I run to and rely on is no longer relying on me and no longer focusing on me. I neglected him, I forgot he needed love too and he was feeling pain too. I wont go to deep into this because it is very private and my marriage is very sacred to me. We worked through our issues and we came out on the bright side. Thank you GOD for the one ray of sunshine in a sea of black.
Everything was going well, life was finally on track and the sun was shining. We even had the wonderful excitement of getting pregnant again, Short lived excitement. We sadly lost another little angel, and it torn my life apart. We did however remember our love and we made it through the emotions...... almost. In the same week My grandfather passed away, my closest connection to who I am, the one key to my essence, I related to him more than anyone I know and now he is gone.


This all sounds the I am asking for a pity party, when in reality I just needed to get it out.

Now that it is out!!!!
Here is some good news!!!

My band whom I love, my musical family was featured on the radio for the first time OH MY GOODNESS how exciting!!!!!!! and we are in the middle of recording our first full length album so if I didn't lose you will all the sad stuff stay tuned as this will be my new outleft for sharing the exciting news in my life and the life of ARBACHEIN!!!!!

until next time!!